Full Disclosure when Dating?

Sorry for disappearing…. I think I’m back… I hope I’m back. Life got in the way, it was overwhelming for a while. With the exception of being sick and a bit of travel all the overwhemness is still there, I’m just learning to deal with it, better…. one eruption at a time.  

On to my question -  When you start dating someone new are you a believer in full disclosure? Do you tell little bits about yourself as you get to know the person better, or do you keep your past all to yourself?    

 The reason I ask this is, I met someone who dated the x a few years ago. In talking with her I learned that the x told her he didn’t know why I left, I had never told him! Those drugs he did really must have done a number on his brain, his memory is shot. He does not remember the drugs (must have been an amazing rehab he went through), or the fact that he thought punching and kicking me was a sport, that I had a problem with his not working (not much has changed, has it?), or that he refused to go to counseling to work on our problems.  

Garth Brooks is right about “Unanswered Prayers”. I used to pray that he (the x, not Garth….. hhmmm… ) could work things out for our marriage. If I meet someone now, I pray that if the relationship works out in whatever way it is supposed to. I no longer stress when the phone does not ring.  

The lady who dated the x for a while, said things just didn’t work out between them. I wasn’t going to ask specifics, either. For her sake, I’m very happy she moved on.

To answer my own question, I let things about my past come out as we get to know each other. Telling to much at one time, would send any man running, and not telling anything, would be a lie. I would be upset, and see it as a huge red flag if someone didn’t tell anything of their past, that was similar to what I’ve been through, especially if we were getting serious. 

I guess it’s about balance, just like the rest of life. 

Musical Inspiration – Take Me Out the Ballgame

I love baseball….. and softball…. they’re starting soon!!!        Yeah!!! 

Musical Inspiration – Hey There Mr President

Hey, Mr President I don’t think I’d want your job

I can barely handle the simple one I got

Hey, Mr President how cool is Air Force One?

Are those guys in the House and The Senate ever gonna get anything done?

I ain’t no Democrat,I ain’t no Republican

We’re fathers and mothers we’re wives and husbands

And we pray that we dance at our daughter’s weddings

And our sons grow to fine men

And for peace on our land

Hey, Mr President how about that money I sent

Must take a lot of pork barrels to run the government

And hey, Mr President our kids in the middle east

I guess you gotta fight sometimes to find a way to keep the peace

I ain’t no Democrat,I ain’t no Republican

We’re fathers and mothers,sisters and brothers,wives and husbands

And we pray that we dance at our daughters weddings

And our sons grow to fine men

And for peace on our land

I cannot imagine how hard it must be

To tell some soldiers mother

That they died for their country

Mr President won’t you thank her for me

Hey Mr President do you ever feel alone

Surrounded by all those ghosts in the White House

Bet you wish you could move back home

We ain’t just Democrats,we ain’t just Republicans

It’s all for one and one for all were Americans

And we pray that we see our children’s children

And our sons grow to old men

And for peace

Yeah, peace on our land

Hey, Mr President

 by the Warren Brothers… 

Musical Inspiration – My Valentine

some inspiration for this week, thanks to Martina McBride….  Happy Valentine’s Day… to all! 

Sunday Scribblings – Fridge Space

If I could make my head space, fridge space right now, I’d be a very happy girl… ok.. woman.

I so don’t want to grow up, or be responsible. But I have to be, and all the things that are going on, seem like to much. I want to make my head into a fridge space, so that it will be numb and I can just get through all the things that are going on, without the tears and heartache they are bringing to me.

I know feelings are good things, the heartache only means I care about the people affected…. but the fridge space in my head would just be temporary, until things were resolved. But then again, there would be different things to deal with when my head was thawed.

So I settle for chocolate…. with a little bit of denial… and a lot of hope….and faith….

Other Sunday Scribblings are shared here. 

Friday Fill In #58

Friday Fill In’s ….

1. I’m looking forward to sleep… I just don’t know when it will be.
2. The arms of my last, first date is a place I always wanted to visit and haven’t made it there yet.
3. I’ve fallen in love with collecting scrapbook supplies (what they are for… no idea). 
4. Six of one, all of them, in my pocket is best. 
5. Addiction is a disease.
6. The people who think they can sing on American Idol crack me up!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to seeing some friends, tomorrow my plans include sports… again and Sunday, I want to catch up on all the things I’ve missed doing this week!

Thursday Thirteen – Things I’ve Learned, Along the Way

1. It’s just as important to give your children roots as it is to give them wings
2. Laughter is the best medicine.
3. Don’t go looking for trouble. If may find you anyways.
4. Looks at what you have, not what you don’t have.
5. No decision is a decision. Sometimes it is letting someone else make one for you.
6. Have patience – mostly with myself
7. Treat food as fuel, not as a friend
8. Life is what you make it, happiness comes from within and no one else cares about yours
9. Watch peoples actions to see if they equal their words
10. It’s ok to learn from the past, and prepare for the future, but live in the present
11. Being the last to end a hug, is a wonderful thing
12. Being willing to love… is scary, and worth it
13. With every heartache there is a lesson

Check out other Thursday Thirteen‘ers if you’d like

Ten on Tuesday – Things to do Instead of Watching TV

What can you think of doing if you weren’t watching tv? Ten on Tuesday asked the question…. my list was really easy to come up with - 

1. Clean the house 
2. Do crafts
3. Exercise
4. Volunteer
5. Learn something… to dance, to sing, to open my heart
6. Have fun online… read blogs, look for a date, look for an old friend
7. Cook a meal
8. Hang out with friends and/or family
9. Get some much needed sleep
10. Read a book

Musical Inspiration – Taking off this Pain

The first time I heard this song, I completely ”got it”. When I was trying to decide if I was going to stay married…. or take back control of my life… I used to play games with my ring. I’d turn it around so that the wedding ring was on the outside when I knew I was leaving, when I was still trying the wedding ring was to the inside like it was the day of wedding. The wedding was beautiful….. the marriage left a lot to be desired. 

Sadly, when I left, the only way to do it was by calling the cops. The x was more worried about the ring, I’m guessing so he could pawn it for drug money, so he wanted it when I left. He got it…. I got the kid.

I got the better end of the deal!!

If only the courts had let the deal stand……. 

Sunday Scribblings – Foul

As I become more aware of me, more aware of when the shell…. thick brick wall… I’ve put around me, is coming down, I’ve started to call bull shit on others more. I should have been doing it all along, but didn’t know that it was ok. 

As I thought about the word foul, I realized, like a game… being a who enjoys sports, it’s easy to do, foul is a much more comfortable word for to me to use. And I can use it with a child.

Having not been a good role model in the boundary department with my daughter, and wanting to be now, when something is not quite right, foul would be a good word to use. Some people will understand, others won’t and will think of it as an inside joke. I don’t mind having them with people I care about, they can be kind of fun. And in this case, a fun thing could help in making setting boundaries a lot easier.

Calling foul is just one step in learning how to set boundaries, but it’s an important step. Sometimes calling foul can be in ones own head, just to acknowledge something is not right, or to lead to a discussion. Just as long as it’s not confused with a ball, bat, and mitt, life is on a better life.

 Participate in Sunday Scribblings if you’d like.