Paving a New Road’s Weblog
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Revenge…..

Is revenge really worth it, even to spend time thinking about?

Once I got to the point of really being done, I mean done, not wanting anything more to do with the x, other than to parent together, I wanted peace more than anything else. It took a couple months of crying, venting, trying to release all that I could, but not in front of my daughter, before I could say his name without cringing. Seeing him still bothered me. Luckily he was doing supervised visits so for the most part, the only time I had to see him, I was safe.

I gave up more than I should have, both in terms of stuff and money, all compromises to get things moving in the courts. Thats how bad I wanted to be able to move on…. to take my life back…. to begin again. He did everything he could to not let that happen. He contested the divorce in a “no contest” state, he refused to work so I had to carry him on my insurance, he would call at all hours of the day and night, many times, claiming he needed to know something, more likely to check on my whereabouts. I even had my landlord tell me of times when he’d see him around my home, again at all hours of the day. To him a restraining order was just a piece of paper, nothing more. To me, it still meant something, I did feel safer knowing that the local police were aware of him.

I may want revenge for about a minute, each year. Thats when he does something so crazy that I wonder if he is on drugs again, or if they just fried his brain so bad. Then I remember who I’m dealing with, and move on.

Reality is, the best thing for my daughter would be if he were happy. Then he would hopefully be nicer to her. He has not had any long term relationships in the time we’ve been divorced (maybe I’ll tell you of mine another time… ). My hope for him is that he move on with his life… finally. If that includes meeting someone, that she be nice to my daughter, and treat her well. I’m secure in my relationship with my daughter, let them even like each other, go shopping, do girl things, as long as she is good to her, I’m all for it.

I agree with the saying “The best revenge is a good life”.

My good life is in process!!

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