Paving a New Road’s Weblog
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Sunday Scribbling – Now & Then

or Then & Now.. on Love.

Back then I thought love was about someone caring about me, wanting to spend time with me, take care of me.

Little did I know that the the attentiveness was actually close to stalking! Phone calls at all hours of the day and night wanting to know where I was, who I was with. Dude, then, you were calling my parents house. Back then it was before cell phones and pagers.  You knew right where I was! And 99% of the time, if I wasn’t with you, I was at work. Heaven forbid I go out with friends, back then I actually had some, but not for long, back then, you did what you could to scare them away. You did what you could to control my every action, so that they were the way you wanted them, so that I would be at your beck and call. 

Back then, I was young, and dumb, and stupid, and thought that this was how relationships went. It made no sense, no one else had ever treated me this way. But back then you were attentive and I mistook that for love. They are very different

Now, I’ve come to know love is much different. Through the years, and a couple relationships I’ve learned that love is about support, care, and respect of both me and us. Now it starts with me, I take care of me first, and then us. No this is not selfish. I can’t love you, until I love me. Why would you want to love someone who does not care about themselves, or love themselves to be in their own company? Now, I’m a whole person, no longer a shadow of what you were trying to turn me into. 

Then was miserable, in between was difficult, Now the doors are wide open…. my life is my own. I can choose to share it wish someone if I want, I don’t need to. And knowing I can make it on my own is great. Oh, and you know what, thats more than you can say, you still need my child support checks and you don’t even use them for the child, since I support her.

I’m not bitter, I don’t regret the Then, I’m grateful for it, because of it, I’m a much stronger, deeper, wiser, person. I thank you for the Then. For the Now, I’ll take the credit.  

Thank you Sunday Scribbling for letting me get that out… such a great thing, and helps to get 2008 started off right!! 

Cheers to 2008 everyone! 


8 Responses to “Sunday Scribbling – Now & Then”

  1. Halle-frickin-luyah!!!

    I swear, you just wrote my story word for word. The Then lets us be where we are now, and I think the now is better because of the Then.

    I’m glad you found a way out of the Then.

    This was a great post!

  2. Way to go! Up is a good direction! Great 2008 to you!

  3. but then when we are young,, everything is so much more all encompassing isn’t it? we submerge ourselves in so many things we later learn we really only wanted to dip our toes in…..

    excellent post

    happy new year…

  4. Yea we all did it different then … great post … hope 2008 is ecellent for YOU!

  5. Wonderful strength in this piece! You go girl!

  6. Somehow you keep posting exactly where I have been and where I am now. I love reading your posts because it helps me to not feel so alone in the where I was. I am always proud of someone else who has been through hell and come out on the other side!!

  7. I do see much strength in you as well. How clearly we can see what was wrong when we’re looking behind. But being able to see that good came of it is altogether harder.

  8. It takes us all time to value ourselves enough to be open to others. i hope the new year brings you much love and happiness.

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