Raising a Child…. financially

• What would you do to support your child?   
• What would you do to avoid supporting your child?  
• Let me tell you a little “story”.  
• The x, I believe chooses not to work. It appears to be to much effort for him to work. We’ve been divorced for almost 14 years. In that time he has worked for a total of 3 years. I have worked all but 3 months…. during the dot.com bust. I have paid spousal support, child support, and attorney fees. In the times when he was working he did pay child support… of about $112 per month. He has paid $146 in medical expenses… not one cent in daycare expenses and not one cent towards extracurricular activities even though there were orders for him to do so. I currently am paying child support to him, we are supposed to split medical expenses 50/50…. and I suck up extracurricular. I am looking at a bill for one of my daughters activities due in January for about $1,000.00. You bet she’s worth it…. where it’s going to come from, I’m still trying to figure out. Maybe Santa will help me. 
• Today was our court date to review why the x is still not working. It may have something to do with him applying for jobs he is not qualified for…. or it could be that when he goes into an interview (which I’m not even sure he has had any) he dresses like a slob… picks his nose.. and his seat….. talks about all the time off he needs…. is negative…. (his normal self)… in general. If he has been living on nothing for 10 of 13 years then the child support I’m paying him must feel like lottery winnings. I’m not sure why it’s called child support when in reality it’s supporting him and not any child. 
• I don’t believe her best interest is being considered. If it were he’d have a job! As one judge told him about 6 years ago, if it were his kid, he’d clean toilets. Dude.. take a hint…. clean yourself up… get dressed, quit acting like the victim….. (remember I left you because of abuse…. ) and take responsibility for your actions….. You’ve fought for custody, you have visitation rights…. if you want to be a parent, then act like one and be financially responsible. It’s a start… I’m not saying you have to do the other things too. Staring now is a bit late….. she’s 17… maybe by the time you get your act together she’ll be grown and gone….. and you will have missed out on being a parent. Your loss… I’m having a blast!!!! 
• Oh and by the way……. I pity you….. that little world you live in, in your head must be some miserable place. For you to have held on to this much of a grudge after this much time….. revenge must be eating you alive….. get over me….. I’m good… but I’m not the one for you…… and I have not been for a very long time…… the door is closed… the deadbolts are locked tight… many of them….
• I’m going to take this all in stride…… as always….. this is just one more hurdle to get over along the road to freedom. I’ll be trying to figure out what my 2nd job will be….. I’m thinking being a bartender might be fun…. but I think I’d need experience. Know of anything that pays decently with flexible hours?

Loving Tim McGraw !!

According to CMT.com  “Tim McGraw helped members of his stage crew eject a fan from his Tuesday night (June 24) concert in Auburn, Wash., after seeing the man assault a woman who was in one of the front rows.”

 

Tim’s always been one of my favorite performers, and he’s not bad to look at himself…. but to take care of things like he did, in front of everyone, if I had a cowboy hat, mine would be off to him.

Be sure to catch the first line of the song he sings when he gets back to the song…. “I ain’t looking for trouble”.

Musical Inspirations – Pocketful of Sunshine

It’s spring.. yeah!!! the sun is trying to shine….. thank you Natasha Bedingfield

Musical Inspiration – Three Words

 

Makes me tear up…. 

Musical Inspiration – Rocks in Your Shoes

by Emily West

I had no idea that walking with rocks in my shoes was an art form. I’ve been doing it for years!

Musical Inspiration – Bad, Bad Leroy Brown

For some reason this song was stuck in my head yesterday….. ~Jim Croce 

Responsibilities to the “New Woman”

Those red flags fly more easy for some than for others. As I get more wisdom, and have learned to trust my own intuition…. that little voice doesn’t have to scream like it did when I was in my teens or newly divorced and starting to date again. 

 The last date I had…. in the last month. The guy seemed really nice, fun, attentive, and then I started noticing little things that made me wonder if he was married. He had said he wasn’t so I just sort of started asking questions and calling at odd times….. to which I received the silent treatment. I’m not saying he was married, I’m just saying he acted odd, and I decided I didn’t need to put myself in any weird situations…… Did I take a chance on missing out on something good? I don’t think so, only something odd, because I trusted my gut! 

If someone else… the x’s “new woman” doesn’t listen to her gut, either because she isn’t listening to it, it isn’t talking, it’s only whispering, he’s so charming… love is wonderful…. whatever the case may be, do I have any responsibility to her, or to her small child(ren)? My heart hurts for them.  

If I do have a responsibility to her, how would I approach her? Excuse me, I’d like to save you from a life of torment, similar to what I’ve been through….  

It also makes me wonder what I should be learning from it all? I’d guess taking things slow, when I meet someone I’d like to pursue a relationship with, be honest…. with both them and me, and listen to the voices, the little ones and the ones of my friends when I’m ready for them to meet him.  

Life is a wonderful thing…. !!! 

Musical Inspiration – The Way I Am

Beautiful weather calls for something upbeat, and thinking about how I want to be loved… just as I am. Hope you enjoy… by Ingrid Michaelson!! 

More Thoughts on Full Disclosure

How do you start off a relationship? I’m thinking of the x’s, not mine… and I know that his relationships are not my business, with the exception of how the other person interacts with my child…. you better believe Mama Bear will show up if that person is not good to her. She is old enough to say “I’m staying home”, so there isn’t to much for me to worry about. 

 

My reason for even thinking about this, is what sorts of red flags, even orange or yellow, had I been on the receiving end of his line of bull, would pop up?

 

Say you are a single mom, and just started dating someone – what sort of answers would give you goose bumps? Him saying he had no idea why his x left….. after they’d been together over 10 years. How does he explain that he does not work, and gets child support (for a child he barely participates in raising… ), that drives a battered old car, has no health insurance, etc? Would any of this cause concern for you?

 

The same question goes out to single dads –  What sort of things send red flags to you? In no way do I think all guys are the same as the x. Opinions count….. someone that has experience with a similar situation… would love to hear your thoughts.  

The Last Married Easter

I don’t remember why, but the x decided he was not going to spend Easter with the family. We had plans for the 3 (me, him, my daughter) to go to his parents for Easter, where all of his siblings would be with their families.

 My guess would be that he did not feel like he could be away from the drugs for that long. Locked in a car driving to and from, with a child, no way could he stop along the way as he had done when it was just the two of us. And what about the time spent at his parents house? How was he going to explain that he needed to go for a walk or a drive, but no one could go with him? Another factor could have been that he and I had a fight (big surprise here, huh!!) and in his typical fashion he said if you don’t do what I want you to do for me, then I’m not going to Easter, probably thinking I was going to cave and give in. 

Little did he know that I was working  on myself, and becoming more of the person I knew I needed to be, in order to survive, whether we stayed married or got divorced. I knew I could not be the insecure, meek, doormat that I’d been. Something about becoming a mom helped that to kick in!!

So my daughter and I headed out for Easter, just the two of us, towards his parents house. All the cousins were within a few years of each other, so I brought lots of Easter activities for  them do over the weekend. With the exception of the questions of where was he… but they’d known him much longer than me, so they should have been able to figure that out, the weekend was great!

I could not begin to tell you what the last Easter with him was like. Oh wait, yes I can, at another time. If I forget, remind of Pinocchio.

I wish you all a wonderful Easter, if you celebrate it.